Bare

Story and Photography by: Mage Dozier

Bare is often described as uncovered, not clothed or exposed to view. People rarely show their bare or true selves since that means letting down their shields. Showing their “true colors” can make one feel vulnerable and naked. All your defenses are gone, and anyone can use what they know against you. How fun. Even if those people don’t use what they learned for ammunition, it doesn’t mean they won’t in the future. 

I know I am bad about sharing too much when a relationship starts. Sometimes I even share very little about myself for an extended time. I worry if I start talking, I won’t stop. Oversharing is easy when I feel comfortable, and I will tell some people anything if asked. I regret that a lot of, if not all, the time. I regret saying anything at all or sharing details of my life. The worst part is sharing something too deep, and your friend starts to pity you. If I’m sharing something with you, I prefer empathy over sympathy, since I didn’t share to get pity. Whenever I get sympathy, my reaction is to distance myself and avoid that person so I don’t say anything else that I will regret. I am aware I push people away, but sometimes it is easier to keep my life to myself.

This semester I have made a lot of new friends, and it has been difficult opening up to them. Now that it has been a couple of months, I would say we are pretty good friends. I asked two of my friends, Abbey Heller and Emma Schepker, how long it normally takes for them to open up and a couple of other questions. Here is what they said:

How long does it take you to open up to someone and show your true self?

Abbey: I’m a pretty guarded person, so it takes me a long time to truly open up to someone. I’ll share more surface details but when it comes to opening up, it takes a lot longer.

Emma: That depends on the person. I think there are some people that have this energy that I'm more open to speaking to. I'm pretty open with people just because I think it's really important to be that way. I think for instance as someone who experienced sexual assault, I never heard anyone speak about it and so I felt like I was the only one. In actuality, almost every woman has experienced it, and so I try to be really open about, you know, everything so that other people can relate to me or maybe so that they feel comfortable as well.

Have you ever regretted opening up to someone and wished you had not shared?

Abbey: I’ve definitely regretted opening up to people and I think that’s the reason I’m such a guarded person and have trust issues. I’ve had people who I thought were my friends spread sensitive information about me almost immediately after I shared it with them. 

Emma: Oh yeah, I'm not sure that I could give you a specific example but I know like in high school I've learned if it's not my business to tell, I shouldn't tell it and so I think I have talked about things that shouldn't become should have been outside of myself and certain people. I think also sometimes when I speak about my Crohn's or just having chronic pain that people will tend to treat me different, and so I think that that's hard sometimes for me because I feel like I then like get affected negatively.

If you’re comfortable, share something that makes you who you are. Not something physical or anything that was influenced by others. This could be personality traits or your morals.

Emma: Because of the family I grew up in, with both of my parents working in social work, I really love people, and I think that like I just really want the best for every person out there. I treat people differently because I love them, and I think everyone's worthy of love. I think that it's what really defines me. I grew up religious, and I'm now in a deconstructing phase of my life where I'm not really sure where I fit into that, but I do believe in loving your neighbor and loving all people and that that should come first before anything else. Obviously, protect yourself. You know, don't put yourself in a difficult situation.

Being bare is something we all must go through at some point since everyone is bound to let their guard down eventually. When it comes to meeting new people, I think it is important to give space and not push since you never know what someone is going through. Emma does what many people should do by “giving people grace when they need it, because life’s fucking hard.”