Are You Listening?
In The Transcendent Issue, the story “Are You Listening?” explores the importance of hard conversations and gives tips on how to have those conversations. Hopefully, you’ve sat down with it and all of the other content from spring 2023. Now, we in Stephens Life are ready to have some hard conversations. We ask you to enter into these conversations with empathy and with an open mind.
Table of Contents
IX Problems
Story by: Kya Nilges
Illustrations by: Madison Moore
TW: Sexual Assault
She had a new life ahead of her, but she’d heard the stories. She moved to Columbia with a mix of excitement and fear. Fear of the stories of what had happened to girls on Mizzou’s campus. The harassment and assault they experienced while the university turned a blind eye. But she wasn’t headed to Mizzou. She was going to Stephens College, a women's college. What did she have to fear?
Coming to Stephens
I arrived at Stephens College in the spring 2022 semester, nervous and excited to start at a new college. It was a new experience meeting all the unfamiliar people and learning how to live within a community like Stephens, one so close-knit. In April, I met a girl. One I felt a romantic connection with at the time but now someone I pretend is a stranger; a cold ache felt with each passing glance.
The Incident
In the fall semester of 2022, we came back to class and decided to be friends. An era of fresh starts and second chances. Even though this didn’t always work, we tried hard to maintain that friendship. On a breezy day in late September, I invited her to go shopping with me downtown. Afterward, she asked if she could come over to my house. She had said she wanted to meet my dog. I said of course; why wouldn’t I be okay spending time with someone I considered a friend? It was okay for a while. We talked and played with my dog and were generally having a good time. We were lying on my bed just talking and I felt her getting closer to me. She tried to kiss me and I told her I just wanted to be friends. She tried again and I said no. She stopped and we laid there. Silent. Breathing and unmoving. Once again, she tried to kiss me and again I said I just wanted to be friends. She was persistent though. No matter how many times I repeated that it was not what I wanted, she kept going. I froze as she unzipped my pants and pulled down my underwear. I didn’t know what to do. I was in shock. She was speaking to me, yet I could not hear what she was saying. She repeated herself and all I could do was stare. She would move me around and I couldn’t do anything. I remember saying that it hurt and she stopped. That was it. It was over. At least I thought it was over.
Realization: It Never Ends
Over six months have passed and I am followed by a ghost of my past life. The ghost of the girl who laid motionless on top of a floral yellow comforter. Most of the time she leaves me alone but sometimes I feel her. The cold ache of pain. The memory that I try not to think about. We all know that type of memory; the one we wish to push away but is indelible. Even when the memory floods back with a cold snap, it always passes through. I know time heals all wounds, but does it ever fully mend? The event doesn’t affect me much anymore, not day-to-day, but it will always be there. Part of me.
What Comes Next
Months later, in the spring of 2023, I reported the incident. I went to the Title IX office, where I had to describe everything I could remember to the coordinator. I pulled the words from my stomach. Pouring out of me, a slow ooze. All I could do was cry. And that was it. All they could do for me was point me to counseling resources and offer a no-contact order.
No Contact Order
What is a no-contact order? Directly from the email I received after filing Title IX:
[It is] a non-punitive, non-disciplinary supportive measure. This letter serves as an official notice that, effective immediately, you are to have no direct or indirect contact with the other party or her property.
I was told that I could not contact the person who assaulted me nor could she contact me.
We were also both instructed that we must make an effort to avoid any form of proximity to each other. If neither of us is required to be somewhere, whoever is there first gets to stay while the other has to leave. If I am required to be somewhere and she is not, she must leave, and vice versa. If we are both required to be somewhere, we must stay as far away from each other as possible. The college implements these measures and violations may be reported to the Title IX office and security.
I had worries about this and a lot of anxiety after my report was official. I expressed my concerns and was told not to worry and that the student was very understanding and would not bother me. How could they say that? I sat on my bed, crying over Zoom because I couldn’t drag myself to class that day. I was excused from class that day but the Title IX office said that it wasn’t something that I should expect regularly. But I couldn’t go, knowing I would see her. I always do. I felt like I was in on a dangerous secret. I knew something that no one else knew, and the weight was unbearable. I expressed physical fear of her and was told, with a smile, that she wouldn’t bother me. It was crushing.
Stephens College Counseling Center
The Stephens College Counseling Center is a free resource for students at Stephens College, as outlined on its website. They offer counseling sessions with licensed professionals and counselors-in-training from the college’s graduate program. The counseling center can be contacted through their website.
Stephens Resources: Interview with Shannon Walls
What resources are available for Stephens students?
Students who are victims or survivors of sexual assault have all the resources of the Title IX Office to support them. These include formal resolution options and informal supportive measures including academic and residential accommodations, referrals for counseling and other community support, and support with reports to law enforcement, among others.
Do you think this is enough?
To be fair, I don’t believe I am the one to answer this. I work hard to accommodate the needs of all students who report to me. It is important to me to support them fully in the way that suits their needs the most. I have developed long-lasting relationships with many of the students that I serve in a support capacity, and although my true hope is that no one will be affected by sexual misconduct, I am grateful to be there to help them through this challenging time in their lives.
What advice would you give to students going through the Title IX process?
The current regulations make the formal Title IX process more challenging for students than I would like to see. Formal investigations followed by a hearing with cross-examination can be intimidating and traumatic to victims and survivors. I also believe that due process is a very important right of students who are accused of misconduct, but I feel there must be less traumatic ways to ensure the rights of all involved than a live, antagonistic hearing. This process that is mandated by federal Title IX regulations can be onerous on both parties that are already involved in a very difficult situation. Therefore, my advice to students going through the process is to surround themselves with friends and loved ones, seek counseling support, and find an exceptional advisor to be by their side throughout the process.
What would you tell someone that is still struggling after exhausting the resources at Stephens?
The College’s Counseling Center is available to help students. True North of Columbia (truenorthofcolumbia.org) also has support groups and legal resources for victims and survivors. I advise the same as I do above – to surround yourself with those who love and support you. There are also resources on our website for loved ones on how to best support friends or family members who have been a victim or survivors of sexual assault.
Some actions that can be taken by the college can be found here.
Resources in the Area
True North: “The goal of True North is to provide all victims with safe housing, advocacy, and support.”
Love Columbia: Love Columbia offers a landing page for sexual assault and abuse resources.
MOCADSV: This page from the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence has a map of Missouri so you can find resources in your region.
National Resources
RAINN: RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. It is the largest organization in the United States combatting sexual violence. They founded and still operate the national hotline for national sexual assault. Their website has pages of resources for victims.
NSVRC: The National Sexual Violence Resource Center is another national group that combats sexual violence.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
How I Cope
Find your peace. It may sound stupid, and if someone had told me that a few months ago I probably would’ve felt like screaming. But I found that it is all that I can do. A no-contact order doesn’t solve my problem. Therapy doesn’t solve my problem. Things can help but nothing can undo the damage. The only thing I can do is find peace in my life. Through my friends, my partner, my hobbies, etc. I have learned to coexist. I have learned to live with the ghost behind me. I have found my peace.
The Political Divide
Story by: Elyse Clayton
[Names changed for safety concerns]
“Small matters… Small is safe… Small means we treat you like you matter. Because you do. And in today’s world, isn’t that your best college option?”
The young woman smiles. This is where she wants to go. Somewhere she is safe; somewhere she matters. So she applies to Stephens College and, upon acceptance, packs her bags. When she arrives on campus, she is welcomed with open arms. She feels at home.
Since she feels safe, and she is told she is safe and welcome here, she speaks her mind. She lives her life as herself. But when she opens her mouth and her Republican and Conservative beliefs start spilling out, the mood shifts. Some people get quiet. Some get angry. All are uncomfortable.
She’s left wondering what she said wrong. Why are her ideas not welcome here? Everyone else is talking politics. Why can’t she?
Why doesn’t she matter?
Why doesn’t the safety include her?
Is it even really safe?
Let’s Talk Politics
On the “left side” of the political spectrum in America lie Democrats and Liberals, with Republicans and Conservatives on the “right side.” Democratic ideals focus on social responsibility while Republican stances center more on individual rights and freedoms. Similarly, Liberals aim for more government regulation and services while Conservatives strive to keep a small government with services coming from the private sector. The majority of Democrats also identify as Liberal and likewise Republicans as Conservative, as the core values of the two often go hand in hand, though in some circumstances that can vary.
The subject of religion also ties into politics quite often, as political parties are based on morals and values, which are often built from religious beliefs. As James Lankford and Russell Moore wrote in a Time article “The Real Meaning of the Separation of Church and State,” “... sometimes when people say, ‘Don’t mix religion and politics,’ they actually mean, ‘Don’t bring your faith into the public square where I can see it.’ In other words, hide your faith outside of your place of worship because we have a ‘separation of church and state.’ Separation of church and state is too important a concept to be misused — especially not as a tool for silencing opposing views.”
Meet Maddie
Maddie came to Stephens at the height of political controversy in the election of 2020. She identifies her beliefs as Christian, Conservative and Republican. Now in her third year, she has learned to keep her opinions quieter.
“I just thought it was funny that we advertise that we're so accepting, but then they completely ignore the other side if it doesn't go along with the agenda that is majorly here at Stephens.” -Maddie
Her freshman year, she noticed that, as Stephens stood as a polling location, campus was covered in political posters – but only for Democratic candidates and issues. It started as just a lack of diversity and built into an animosity. “My experiences have mostly just been everything goes against Conservatives, everything goes against Republican views,” Maddie said, “and we're just not accepting of it.”
She found her mental health severely impacted by the response to the election. “One thing that comes to mind specifically is during the election, like the final day, whenever Biden was in the lead,” she shared, “I started having panic attacks, to be completely honest with you, because of just how many things would change and just anticipating what the US would be like now and just thinking about what the next day at school would be like, because you've got everybody who voted for him there.” She explained that the following day in class “everybody was bashing Trump,” making her feel very anxious and uncomfortable.
She shared memories of conversations where she voiced her faith and her views and received dirty looks and stereotyping. “But other than that, I haven't really been attacked on beliefs, because I just don't talk about it,” Maddie said. “Unless somebody personally asks me, then I'll give them an answer.” Specifically in general education classes, she had been assigned several discussion board posts that she described as “leading.” In several instances, she emailed her teacher to say, “I don't feel comfortable posting this or really doing this assignment because my opinion on this is so much different than everybody else's, and it's going to show what side I'm on. And it's not going to be good. And I don't feel comfortable with that. And I'm not going to lie about it.” The teacher did provide the alternative of privately emailing the answers, but for Maddie it came back to the principle of the matter: “You shouldn't be having discussion posts on your side of the election. Especially if it has nothing to do with the class, you just shouldn't be involved. And I remember just being so angry after coming out of class because we would just have so many political questions that weren't necessary, and I couldn't voice those opinions. I didn't feel safe voicing those opinions.” Maddie ended up dropping a more recent class because of a similar situation.
For Maddie, the biggest issue comes from a lack of willingness to discuss opposing viewpoints. She avoids most conversations because past experiences have proven that “nobody’s going to listen.” This issue is not necessarily school-related, though, as she has experienced it with people outside of Stephens as well. “There are a lot of instances where I'll be talking with another person on the other side, and I'll tell them why I think the way that I think, and they just kind of shut down. They just don't listen to you. It just goes out the window. They don't want to listen to the actual reasons that you have suggesting why you think that way.” They respond in anger instead, in a way that Maddie feels is “almost trying to convince themselves that what they're saying is true.”
The “shutting down” Maddie refers to is called confirmation bias. And it’s an issue not reserved to Democrats. Dr. Itamar Shatz, author of “Effectiviology,” explains confirmation bias as “a cognitive bias that causes people to search for, favor, interpret and recall information in a way that confirms their preexisting beliefs.”
He explains that this affects four areas of someone’s intake of information, starting with the search itself. It “causes people to search for information that confirms their preexisting beliefs and to avoid information that contradicts them.” When information is found, confirmation bias causes people to give more importance to supporting data and less to contradictory data. Even in the interpretation, people unaware of their bias are prone to misinterpret information in a way that confirms preexisting beliefs. Even memory and the recall of this information later can be unreliable, as this bias “causes people to remember information that supports their beliefs and to forget information that contradicts them, or to remember supporting information as having been more supporting than it really was, or to incorrectly remember contradictory information as having supported their beliefs.”
The issue stems from both challenge avoidance (the desire to avoid finding out that you’re wrong) and reinforcement seeking (the desire to find out you’re right). Shatz writes, “Both of these mechanisms are in turn attributed to people’s underlying desire to minimize their cognitive dissonance, which is the psychological distress that people experience when they hold two or more contradictory beliefs simultaneously.”
He explains numerous ways to minimize confirmation bias in others during conversations:
Explain what the confirmation bias is, why we experience it, how it affects us, and why it can be a problem, potentially using relevant examples.
Make it so that the goal is to find the right answer, rather than defend an existing belief.
Minimize the unpleasantness and issues associated with finding out that they’re wrong.
Encourage people to avoid letting their emotional response dictate their actions.
Encourage people to give information sufficient consideration.
Encourage people to avoid forming a hypothesis too early.
Ask people to explain their reasoning.
Ask people to think about various reasons why their preferred hypothesis might be wrong.
Ask people to think about alternative hypotheses, and why those hypotheses might be right.
As well as ways to limit confirmation bias in yourself:
Identify when and how you’re likely to experience the bias.
Maintain awareness of the bias in relevant situations, and even actively ask yourself whether you’re experiencing it.
Figure out what kind of negative outcomes the bias can cause for you.
Focus on trying to find the right answer, rather than on proving that your initial belief was right.
Avoid feeling bad if you find out that you’re wrong; for example, try to focus on having learned something new that you can use in the future.
Don’t let your emotions dictate how you process information, particularly when it comes to seeking confirmation or avoiding challenges to your beliefs.
Dedicate sufficient time and mental effort when processing relevant information.
Avoid forming a hypothesis too early, before you've had a chance to analyze sufficient information.
Clearly outline your reasoning, for example by identifying your stance and the evidence that you’re basing it on.
Think of reasons why your preferred hypothesis might be wrong.
Come up with alternative hypotheses, as well as reasons why those hypotheses might be right.
Meet Haley
A recent Stephens alum, Haley had similar experiences to Maddie in her time on campus. She also identifies herself as Christian, Conservative and Republican. Though she “blocked out” more specific instances – and generally avoided confrontational situations – she recalls many times when people treated her differently due to her beliefs.
“It was definitely hard in some situations because it's hard to not want to just argue with people, and, you know, kind of prove your point,” she explained. “But there's a level of maturity that you reach where you realize it's not really worth it for me to sit here and just try to tell you why I believe what I believe when it's obvious that a lot of people are just belligerent, and they're not going to change their minds, and that's perfectly fine. It's not gonna hurt me to coexist with you believing something completely different than I believe.”
“It's kind of ironic when you think about it, because they're all about everyone having a voice and everyone getting to say what they believe, but Conservatives are the minority at Stephens, and they still push you down and tell you that you're wrong and that you can't express what you believe in.” -Haley
Though she never had any “crazy” or extreme situations, Haley regularly dealt with small remarks about her views, especially Conservative beliefs, and even many attacks on Christianity in general. These remarks fit into microaggressions, which are “comments or actions that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally express a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group.” The term originated to describe the harmful daily slights and dismissals that people of color experience but has lately grown to include any marginalized group. To marginalize someone means “to relegate to an unimportant or powerless position within a society or group.” Though not marginalized on a societal level, both Haley and Maddie voiced that they knew they were the minority on campus when it came to political and religious beliefs, and they often felt powerless in classrooms when the topic came up.
Academic Impressions gives a few tips to identify that a person has experienced a microaggression:
They feel hurt (e.g., angry, shocked, shamed, resigned, etc.).
They think about the experience for a long time after it happened.
They are unsure if they are making too much of the experience.
They are unsure if they should bring it up.
They are pretty sure the person making the slight would not have said/done the same thing to someone perceived as having societal or professional power over them or their identity group.
“Microaggressions are like repeated toe stubs,” the website goes on to explain. “The pain of them builds and grows with each subsequent hit. Imagine if you hit your toe first thing in the morning. It hurts, but you move on. Then you bang your toe nine more times during the day. Finally, while you are grocery shopping, someone accidentally steps on your toe. You cry out, ‘Ouch!’ Why did this tiny mishap make you shout so loudly? All that happened was that someone accidentally, slightly stepped on your toe. But your toe has been hurt a little bit so many times in one day, that when it is hurt one more time, the multiplier effect takes place and produces so much pain that you are overwhelmed, and you shout. This last stub, although the same as the first, feels worse than the others because of the cumulative harm your foot has experienced throughout the day. Maya Angelou calls this ‘death by 1,000 cuts.’”
Another issue Haley had to internally deal with was deciding when to pick those battles. “Something that I always promised myself and, in a way, promised God that I would do was when I was in those situations, if there was ever a time where someone doubted the love of God, or the love that Christians as a whole are supposed to have for people, then I was going to speak up,” she said. “I think that, more than anything in those situations, politics don't matter. My political views do not matter. Because it's always going to be perceived differently. What matters is how I treat people, and, you know, constantly taking those opportunities to remind them of what a Christian is supposed to look like. And that’s as someone who's not perfect, as someone who's always trying to improve, and as someone who loves people like crazy. And even more than that, there's a God who's absolutely perfect, who loves them and created them perfectly. You know, it's just so much more and beyond that.” She emphasizes that it’s okay to admit you misspoke, and it’s okay to change your mind.
Where Can We Go From Here?
When asked what they would like to see done on campus about this issue, both Maddie and Haley recommended limiting the amount of political discussion in class when possible and, when it is relevant to the teaching, to consider both sides respectfully.
If an issue does occur, know your rights. Political parties are not protected under law as discrimination, but harassment of any sort is a violation of the Student Code of Conduct. Harassment includes but is not limited to:
Physical assault
Use of threatening language
Distribution of threatening letters
Vandalism
Use of social media to intimidate, harass or threaten
The list of violations also includes bullying (aggressive behavior or intentional harm that is carried out repeatedly and over time and occurs within an interpersonal relationship characterized by an imbalance of power).
A person wishing to report a non-academic violation of the Student Code of Conduct should complete an incident report with a member of the residential life staff.
Small matters. Small is safe. Because we aren’t just names on a roster or numbers in a gradebook. We are a community. We are a community that strives to learn, grow and lead in respect, courage, independence, support, sensitivity, responsibility, belief, creativity, intelligence and leadership. And how can we grow as a community if we don’t support each other and teach each other and learn from each other?
Gunplay
Story by: Mollie Davidson
Illustrations by: Madison Moore
TW: Gun Violence
Everyone around me seems to be having fun. Loud music blasts in the background. I can’t hear what my friends are saying and they’re right next to me, but we’re too busy dancing anyway—it’s New Year’s Eve, after all. The night was going by fast and the smile I had at the beginning of the night did not fray a single time. Unfortunately, there are no perfect stories. I continued laughing and letting go of my worries when I heard a bang. The sound was crisp; it couldn’t be fireworks, but there I stood, too shocked to move. And just like that, there was another. Bang! I still couldn’t comprehend what was happening until a friend pushed me to the floor. There was no getting out with that many people in a room, so I knew it was best for me to lay there, as close to the floor as possible. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my body while I let people pile on top of me. Better them than me right? Then everything stopped, and no one was hurt.
I sometimes forget about what I went through. I mean, nobody was hurt, and I got up like nothing happened. I had lost friends to a bullet before, but this was just a freak accident. Two months later my friend and I hung out at home while some others went to the bars and a party across town. We ended up staying up late, and at about 4 a.m. I got the news. There it was—angel wings over someone I knew—someone I saw nearly every weekend, even though I lived hours away. I didn’t know what to think, and I felt hollow. Most of the time I still do. I saw a friend the next day who was at the party. I remember him describe feeling a liquid all over his body and not realizing it was my friend's blood until the lights came on. That’s what stuck with me the most. Just two months before I had been laying on the ground listening to the bullets ring, and now, with little time in between, my friend is gone… Why her and not me?
I constantly wonder why my run-ins with guns seem so frequent whereas in other countries this is not normal at all. The need for guns in this country dates back to the old western times. The movies you see depicting guns in every cowboy's hand are simply not the truth. The romanticizing of cowboys and pistols are what people think of when they hear “the wild, wild west.” Did you know gun laws in the Old West were stricter than our gun laws today? Incomplience to the conceal and carry laws led to immediate arrest, and shootouts were far less frequent than depicted in your favorite western film. Dodge City, among other places, prohibited firearms altogether. This contrasts today's society, as Cathy Shufro explains, “Today, 34 states give gun owners the right to use deadly force outside of the home with no duty to retreat or use other means to protect themselves.” We are brainwashed to think of these movies and shows as history just for our mere entertainment. Looking back, it is entertainment as much as it is advertisement. The excitement of a bullet packed behind stories of Buffalo Bill and Wyatt Earp. A Six Shooter failed to sell until 1878, so it was then marketed as the “Frontier Six Shooter.” To no surprise, sales skyrocketed.
Contrary to belief, the romanticization of guns did not become apparent in the second amendment. The constitution states, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” Historians generally agree that this amendment was made to prevent the need for a standing army. This law was written with the intent that power came from people, not individuals holding private weapons. One reason was guns were considered a luxury at this time. The Constitution was written years before Eli Whitney invented interchangeable parts, meaning all firearms were built by hand. This made guns very expensive and rare to be owned by just one person. For those that did own a gun, it was no walk in the park, either. Barrels were no shorter than 18 inches at the time, and very few colonials were able to acquire guns. Today, the US is the only country where the amount of civilian guns outnumbers the people. The romanticization is a recent scenario considering 43 states limited or banned firearms in public spaces up until the early 1900s.
Western films also reiterate the idea of bad v. good. Ariella Wolfe writes, “The Western film genre harkened back to a not-so-distant past, where ordinary Americans could view clearly who was the hero and who was the villain.” Additionally, Wolfe describes how films like “True Grit” (1969) show the good guy only winning with the help of a gun. After Sandy Hook, the then-director of the National Rifle Association Wayne LaPierre stated, “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” Some argue this could be from western propaganda—a lone hero fighting off the bad guy. Except when children are at the hand of a bullet, this story line is far more complex. Children legally cannot own guns, yet they must be easy to acquire considering what happened to me, and what happened to my friends. Kids shoot kids. Guns such as the Smith and Wesson 2.0 are now only 6 inches long, coming in pink and camo. It is evident this weapon is made to be sought after, not just for self defense. Guns are being designed to look “cool” while also being accessible to take anywhere and everywhere.
I blame the accessibility on what our country was brought up on, this sick fascination of the need for guns. When looking at the statistics, 98% of mass shootings have been committed by men. Western stories, books and movies notoriously depict gun users to be men. A rise in toy guns also sparked after the Hollywood depiction of the western times and every little boy (and some girls) owned one. The myths of the wild, wild west also perpetuate the stereotype that guns should be used in a glorifying sense, making these weapons seem like a much lighter topic than they truly are. American westerns show the gun as a necessity. Clint Eastwood alone held 84 different gun models during his time on screen. Although these weapons are used as “self defense,” Shurfro explains, “In reality, having access to a gun triples a person’s risk of suicide and nearly doubles the risk of being a homicide victim, according to a 2014 ‘Annals of Internal Medicine’ meta-analysis.”
Looking back to the many people around me all hugging each other, I remember the solitude I felt. The relief when it was over was overwhelming, but I think about my friends who were less fortunate every day. The old western stories aren’t really stories anymore, and the amount of people who can relate to me is unfortunately astonishing. The glorification of these weapons remind me of the horror I have felt and will continue to feel because it will always stick with me. As for my modern day wild west, I will keep living and hoping for change, because sometimes that is all you can do.
The “Trans” Issue
Story by: Alex Jockisch
The “Trans” Issue
After eighteen long years of feeling like a foreigner in my own body, I finally begin to recognize myself in the mirror.
I look for a place where I can feel welcome and find others like me. It’s not perfect by any means, but I take it all in stride, the misgendering and misunderstanding, and try to see how different my college experience is in a safe place like Stephens.
And then… “THE TRANS ISSUE.”
It’s more important now than ever to talk about the transgender and non-binary community here at Stephens College. The transgender community has had many struggles at Stephens… But here we are. And we’re here to stay.
So what is the trans issue? In the U.S, it’s debating over transgender athletes, Florida banning gender affirming care for minors, Texas calling Family Services on parents of transitioning minors. In Missouri, its laws being passed that make it virtually impossible for transgender adults to get the healthcare they need and have been using for years. At Stephens, it’s proving you are “trans enough” and being called “non-binary women.”
Every day, we hear people debating about other people’s existence and experiences.
Every day, transgender people hear people debating about their existence, rights and experiences.
Cisgender people get to turn off the computer and go back to living as normal. Transgender and non-binary people have to live with their rights and lives being debated day after day. Year after year. Decade after decade. From 1750s Public Universal Friend to 1920’s surgeon Michael Dillon, WWII’s vet Christine Jorgensen to 1980s activist Marsha P Johnson, transgender people have always been a part of history. Why is it still debated?
Gender is such an integral part of some people’s lives. Cisgendered men use shoe lifts, viagra and hair plugs as a way to showcase and perform their gender. Women may wear push up bras, waist trainers, and spanx to fulfill their gender expectations. The difference between cisgendered gender affirming and transgender gender affirming is going against “the norm.” It’s something different than what one may expect. We fear what we don’t know.
The best way to address “the trans issue” is with education. Learning about queer history and issues present today.
Attached are infographics that explain terms and definitions that will help educate on the trans community. I hope you all can read them, and understand that the trans community is just a community of people, trying to survive and make each day better than their last.
Gender
Social construct
Transgender
A person whose gender is different than the one assigned at birth
Gender Binary
The U.S culture works on a gender binary, with man and woman.
Non Binary
Underneath the trans umbrella, someone who’s gender isn’t on the gender binary.
Cisgender
Identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth
AFAB
Assigned female at birth. This can reference gender identity that was given before a trans person came out, and can also reference intersex people, what gender they were given.
AMAB
Assigned male at birth. AFAB and AMAB are only used in medical terms, describing their sex.
Trans Feminine
A person who identifies as transgender, and leans towards femininity in terms of gender.
Trans Masculine
A person whose identity is different from their assigned at birth gender, and is more masculine.
Pronouns
A grammatical way to address a person without saying their name
He, Him, His
She, Her, Hers
They, Them, Theirs
We, They, Ours
Mixed Pronouns
People may use more than one set of pronouns to be addressed by. This means you can use their pronouns interchangeably. Typically, the pronoun listed first, like They/He, means the person prefers to use they/them, but also uses he/him.
The best way to go about mixed pronouns is to ask the person! Also, observe how their peers refer to them, as great friends and allies respect their friends' pronouns.
Neopronouns
Any pronoun that is not included in the list above
Ze, Zher, Zhis
It, It, Its
Only use it/its pronouns when someone tells you to. Calling someone unprompted can be rude, telling the person you see them as an object. People who use it/its pronouns are reclaiming the word.
“Name”self
Instead of using pronouns, you always refer to this person by their name
Becky did this, Becky hates that, Becky went here
Neutral pronouns
If you are unsure of someone’s pronouns, ask! It’s the same as asking their name. If you’ve forgotten, the best way to address someone is by name, or they/them (gender neutral).
Gender Affirming Healthcare
Any form of healthcare, from surgery to medication, that is used to strengthen one’s gender identity.
From menopausal woman using estrogen to feel younger
To older men using testosterone to keep muscle mass and arousal
Bodybuilders using testosterone to gain muscle mass quick
To gender reconstructive surgery
Top surgery
Removal of breasts
Breast implants
Bottom surgery
Genital reconstruction
Facial reconstruction
Making the face softer or harsher for gender effect
Plastic Surgery
Altering one's appearance for preferred look
False Hair
Wigs, weaves, hair plugs, toupe, hairline surgery
Gender affirming healthcare for minors is puberty blockers, pronouns, and change of external appearance like clothing. Puberty blockers are used for cis and trans minors.
Gender affirming wear
Push Up Bra
Garment used to make the breasts look fuller
Binder
A garment used to bind the chest flatter
Hip binder
To make the curves of the hips less apparent
Tucking
A technique to lessen the bulge of external genitalia
Packing
A packer garment is used to give a bulge in pants
Passing
A gendernormative idea that trans people should want to “pass” as being cis.
For more resources, visit GLAAD, AAMC and The Trevor Project.
Whether these issues stem from a misunderstanding or a fear of the unfamiliar, it’s time that we catch up. Educating ourselves on the people who live next to us is so important, especially in a time where politicians want trans people to disappear. Allowing yourself to learn, to make mistakes and to learn from those mistakes is what allows us all to grow together. The transgender and non-binary community have been around, and they for sure won’t disappear without a fight.